This ain’t the Endo…

“Dude, what happened?”

Biffed it hard on the Marin.

“Anything break?”

Sure did…

“You broke your neck!?”

No. The ‘radial neck fracture’ refers to the “neck” of the radius, one of the two bones in the forearm. The radius is the bone that sits on the thumb side of the forearm. You can remember that fact by holding out both arms, curling both hands into fists, sticking both thumbs up into the air and yelling, “the radius is rad, brother!”

Turns out, I also fractured the other forearm bone, the ulna. You can recognize the ulna by its little “U” shaped head that wraps around the humerus bone in the upper arm, forming the elbow joint. Hitting the spot between the ulna and humerus just right can strike a nerve, causing a strange sensation, often referred to as “hitting the funny bone”.

Anyway…

“What was ‘the trick’?”

There’s a section of sidewalk right outside Houndogs Bar & Grill in Portland that’s just begging for some love. It’s like a 10ft gap between two driveways, with a gutter on the left, and a telephone pole on the right…

In theory, one could roll over the ‘up ramp’ with the front wheel, pop one’s weight forward when the rear tire hits the ‘up ramp’ lifting rear tire into air (“pop an Endo”), ride on just the front wheel between the gutter and telephone pole (“thread the needle”), clear the ‘down ramp’ with the front wheel, and bring the rear wheel down as close to the top of the ‘down ramp’ as possible (“stomp the landing”), and keep rollin’ on to beers, tacos, or whatever.

I was trying to pop an Endo, thread the needle, and stomp the landing, but forgot one important thing. Endo is short for ‘end-over-end’, which is an important/crappy/unavoidable part of the learning process.

“You good?”

Depends how I’m feeling:

• Basic: You should see the other guy…
• Nerdy: Good enough to .your-mother { position: sticky; }…
• Strong: It’ll take more than some concrete to stop me…
• Shaky: Not good, but my therapist says I’m good enough…
• Pedantic: Sure as Hell try to be…

“Was it worth it?”

Hell yeah! Ten reasons why:

1. The bike seems fine.
2. Every once in a while, I try doing things with my non-dominant arm, just to see how it feels. Turns out, it’s good practice.
3. Electric toothbrushes and bidets exist for the rest.
4. It could have been a lot worse. Wear your helmet, kids. I’m lucky to still be walking.
5. “Pain is weakness leaving the body.” – Chesty Puller via Coach Gator
6. “What does not kill me makes me stronger.” – Friedrich Nietzsche via Coach Roggerman
7. “Pain heals. Chicks dig scars. Glory lasts forever.” – Shane Falco via Keanu Reeves
8. I learned my lesson.
9. “I never view mistakes as failures. They are simply opportunities to find out what doesn’t work.” – Thomas Edison
10. I’ll stick that shit next time…

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